Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Wisdom learned

Never be a pack rat. Every time that I 've moved I've put stuff that I didn't need or didn't have time to go through in a family storage house (one that I lived in for a while). I've moved four times since I moved out of what is now the storage house. I recently had to move everything out of there all at once. It was full of stuff, including tons of boxes full of wires, papers, pictures, ect. Some of the stuff, maybe 5 or 10 percent, is good. The rest is junk, but mixed together with the good, so I can't just throw it out. It needs to be sorted.

Every where that I've lived, the stuff that I didn't have time to go through I threw in a box. Whenever I moved it went into the storage house. Plus, I've kept way, way, way, way too much stuff every time I've lived somewhere. So, now I have a room full of stuff, though spread through parts of many different rooms. Also, there is the stuff I've accumulated while here at my new home. I've created a monster.

This mess has always held me back and kept me from doing things with others and living life. (Stuff like 'I can't go there with you cause I've got to clean and organize. blah blah blah' )

Now, this life struggle is affecting my family's quality of life (can't go here, can't do that, not right now Daddy and Mommy have to do this, that or the other organizing and cleaning. agh!). I now know the meaning of scripture 'The sins of the father visit the children for several generations' (I think thats how it goes).

The Apostle Paul said that he didn't want to be a slave to anyone or anything. Well, I'm sick and tired of it enslaving me and my family, and so is my wife. But, I can't change it in my own strength. I've tried over and over and over. Its hopless. That is its hopeless if I continue to try to do it in my own strength.

Sure, I could probably make myself straighten it out. I've done it before (never fully though-I've always packed it neatly away). But, whatever. It never lasts. It is embedded in me habitually. Bad habits: laziness; procrastination; I want more, more, more - more stuff. I'm done. I give up. Its beaten me.

The only answer is a changed heart that makes me act differently in the first place. But I can't change my own heart. Only God can change the heart.

So, I did the only thing I do have the power to do and that is to ask God, to do just that, to change my heart.

Well, He did it and I'm finally in the process of going through it all. Really purging it. I might not get it all right and fully do it all this first go round, but somethings different. I can feel the change in my heart that desires this demon to be conquered once and for all.

I, also think God knew that I would never go through it all if it wasn't all in my new home. That it would help defeat me and make me ready to have Him change my heart.

So, learn from the wise (that means one who's gone through and failed and learned his lesson from the experience of 'been there, done that'). And if you do learn from me and my mistake and don't go there yourself, then that makes you wiser than the wise.


mountain cedar said...

you need to start working

mountain cedar said...

you need to start working

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